Is it a sign of my being a horrible person if I spent the majority of today watching the entire Gravitation series?

But in my defence this has been the Christmas for HELL. Or at least, the lead-up to Christmas from hell. This last month has stressed me to my absolute limit and I've been riding on a pretty constant thin-edge of total emotional meltdown.

Last night at around 1am as I sat with my mother on a chair outside church waiting for my dad, I said 'I think from this year on I am cancelling Christmas' This year has been Fucked Up.

Summary of Fucked-ness:

1. Church. In the advent weeks -the six (I think it's six, I don't really pay much attention to those sorts of things) weeks leading up to christmas- we have had a short drama each week depicting a segment of a theoretical journey of the wise men to Bethlehem. One of these I wrote, two I acted in and on christmas eve-midnight service and the main Christmas day service, there was supposed to be a powerpoint displaying a brief summary of Jesus' ministry and some of the things his life (and death) contributed to. Powerpoint was my responsiblility.

Well, let me just say that it was one of the most trying technical experiences of my life. It didn't come out too bad but it wasn't really how I wanted it to be.

Oh and. Christmas day service I was the lead saprano for the band. Both the band leader and the only other female vocalist were losing their voices due to Madd Caroling and colds. Eeep! Uber Carols with Really High Parts. Eeep! Crazy modern songs with Really Low Parts. @_@ By the end by voice was cracking. (I'm really a metzo so while I can get the notes, my vocal cords get annoyed with me for doing anything really high or really low).

2. Money. This has been this GIANT EVIL MONSTER issue for me facing only one month to go before having to start paying for the hostels. While work has picked up a bit in the last two weeks, the problem with this is that I don't really seem physically capable of working for more than about 2&1/2 hours straight without being in considerable pain. And when I say considerable pain I mean, 'after an hour of this I can't even concentrate on what the person in front of me is saying'. This means 3-4 hour shifts, while they would get me away to Uni alright, aren't %100 viable. >:{ Anyway, I've decided to offically stop worrying about money because the worrying doesn't change anything.

3. Christmas. Present buying on behalf of practically the whole family because no-one else bothers if I don't do it. Card-sending; to everyone, because I can't send presents because I'm poor but I wanted everyone to know that they were loved. (Yes, I did forget people. *sigh*)

4. Writing. -_-;; 'nough-said.

5. Other stuff that I've temporarily forgotten but which is REALLY STRESSFUL.

Last night someone asked me, "How's your christmas-eve going?" I said, "Well, I've only broken into tears three times today, to I think I'm doing well" They were a little shocked. *snigger*

ANYWAY! Despite all this, after the service today I had a really nice day with my parents, lots of anime, some cool presents (Mum got me this STUNNER set of fancy drawing pencils -my suggestion, but hey, what works, works-) Delish food and most of all - PEACE AND QUIET! I'm going to focus on doing NOTHING all day tomorrow. (Apart from perhaps attacking the chapter again.) So yeah, I go out with a good feeling but a lesson learnt on over-commitments at this time of year.

6 days till my 20th birthday now. *sighs* At least I'm not organising THAT!

I'm not going to spell or grammar check this update coz I've got other things to do. Sorry. XP

Hope everyone else had/is having a good Christmas/whatever. Will post mimei's christmas band-slash short present thingy tomorrow.

shnuu! *hugs*