Rar.

Been away. Did stuff. Had fun. Fell in love with Hyde (Japanese alternative rock singer). Back now. (Tired). Edited heaps of stuff. (Chapter 3 should be ready soonish).

Also semi-edited the gift-fic I did for KRM's birthday (which was like... 2 months ago... ;_;). So here it is.

You'll have to excuse how silly it is... it was supposed to be, and it's not heavily edited because it's so random.

Hope you like, KRM! (It's just silly... don't get your hopes up)




The True Story of the Defeat of the Dark Lord

By Page Russet


Okay so, this is an utterly random challenge-fic for my good friend KRM’s birthday, please, no one shoot me.

Characters are respectively owned by J.K. Rowling and KRM_Authoress. No money is being made from this.

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Harry Potter stood staring at a worn map on the trestle table in the centre of the camp. Surrounding him were dozens of witches and wizards all muttering about territory, vantage points and soldier numbers.

Harry turned and whispered to Hermione, “Tell me this is the right decision.”

Hermione just stared at him, “You know I can’t say that, Harry,” she replied quietly.

Harry turned back to the map, clenching his fists. “Hundreds, if not thousands of wizards are going to die tomorrow with this plan.”

Hermione exchanged a worried glance with Ron, “It’s still the best plan we have.” She murmured, “If something isn’t done now, Voldemort will recruit more of the North East giant clans. We need to take out his power base now before the people become too scared to do anything.”

“I know that,” Harry snapped, “But it still doesn’t solve the problem, does it? Voldemort will survive, he’ll rebuild that power base eventually, and all these people’s deaths will be for nothing.”

Hermione sighed and Ron squeezed Harry’s shoulder, “Not for nothing, Harry; we can’t do anything about taking out Voldemort now: no one knows where he is. But we can take out the giants and the Death Eater bases. That will be a serious blow to Voldemort.”

Harry growled and stepped away from the planning table, moving to stare out over the open plain behind them that concealed a waiting, and ready, army.

This is all so futile! If only there was a way to find Voldemort now and destroy him, all these deaths could be avoided.

Suddenly, there was a hugely loud bang, the air shifted and the word seemed to bend slightly. Next to Harry a rift in the universe seemed to appear and a young woman with strange markings under her eyes launched through it, screaming, “I’LL TEACH YOU TO STEAL MY PLUSHIES!!!!!” wildly waving a sword through the air.

Harry squeaked and tried to dart out of the way as people scattered and Aurors scrambled for their wands, but he was too slow and the flat of girl’s sword smacked into the back of his head. Hard.

As black unconsciousness began to claim him, the last thing he heard was the girl yelling, “Where is that red-eyed bastard?!!”


~..*..~


Quite some time later, Harry opened his eyes. He was greeted with the alarmingly familiar sight of the ceiling of the Hogwarts infirmary. Harry snapped up in bed and snatched his glasses off the bedside table, “What the hell is going on!?” he yelled.

A door slammed open and both Ron and Hermione rushed into the room.

“Harry!”

“Harry, mate! You’re awake! We were worried you were done for for a while there!”

“What am I doing here?” Harry asked, “What about the attack? What’s happening?”

The other two exchanged glances and Hermione sat down on the bed, taking Harry’s hand. “Harry,” she said softly, “You’ve been unconscious for three weeks. A lot has changed since then.”

Alarmed, Harry clutched her fingers tightly, “What!? Just tell me ‘Mione!”

Obviously far too excited for the tale to be told with correct story-flow, Ron jumped to the best bit, “Well! Voldemort is dead, for one thing!” he exclaimed.

“Ron!”

“WHAT!?”

Hermione turned back to Harry with an exasperated look on her face. “Well, what I was trying to tell you, was that after you got knocked out, that strange girl disappeared. From there, our sources say she re-appeared in Voldemort’s most secret lair, yelled something about him stealing something from her, and chopped off his head.”

Harry gaped, “She what?”

“She chopped the nasty bastard’s head off, Harry!” Ron crowed.

Hermione continued, “We were afraid for a while he would be able to use your connection with him to remain alive, but it turns out there was something magical about that girl’s sword and he was completely vanquished this time, body and... well, not soul, but life-force at least.”

Harry was still staring, “You are kidding me.”

Ron went off into fits of hysterical giggles but Hermione shook her head, “No, Harry, after seeing him vanquished for the second time, his forces disbanded, many turning each other in to get pardons and such. These last weeks have really just been rounding up Dark supporters and processing them through the Ministry courts. We got the news early enough not to engage the attack on the giants, they just packed up and went home on their own. Other than that, it’s been pretty quiet, really.”

Harry looked around the room blankly, then back to Hermione, “The girl, who was she?”

Hermione shrugged, “No one knows. Dumbledore thinks she came from another dimension. She was seen collecting a couple of small items from Voldemort’s inner chambers and then disappeared. No one has seen or heard of her since.”

Ron smacked Harry on his back, “Reckon she’ll probably end up more famous than you, eh Harry?”

Harry stared at his friend then started laughing, laughing and laughing, till he cried, then laughed again.

It was a long time before he stopped smiling.



.....And so ended the story of Harry Potter and the Dark Lord Voldemort.....


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Yeah, ...hope it wasn't too bad :/