Please excuse random quoting. I think that's either from Blackadder, Monty Python, the Goons, or Cleese/Atkinson, I can no longer separate the childhood sources of humour.

So, this entry is about Bums.

I just realised, today, that there is no way to say 'bum' in a sophisticated/upper class/cool way.

I noticed because I was re-reading some Anita Blake book today and one of these uber-cool vampires says 'ass' in reference to his girlfriend's behind, and it just, jarred, it didn’t work (partly coz he's French, but hey, point still holds). And I started running through all the 'bum' words to see what could fit.

bum - too silly

ass/arse - too crude

behind - sounds like you are talking about a horse, and you are too squeamish to say the truth.

gluteus maximus - c`mon, please.

butt - can only be said with a southern American accent

bottom - also too silly, sounds like some rich matron from the renaissance should exclaim in horror after it's said.

anyway, I just thought this was a rare aberration within the English language, usually there is an upper-class way of saying anything, but I just don't know if sexy French vampires can get away with using this particular word.

Any that I've missed?