Ta for comic! (why is the final draft in pencil!? Where are your---! etc) I think that it brings you into the story better than the previous prologue. Only neg - The order of who is saying what is hard to follow, I got it, but it's still hard. You're either going to have to compromise on the art and move the characters so that you can point out the order of speech with arrows, or compromise on writing-flow and leave them as-is.

Ah to be a comic artist/writer!

I should just tell WINZ that I am a Jedi Knight, and they should give me money if i need it, but not be meanies and expect me to do stupid meanial jobs. They should know that the Jedi are too busy protecting the universe to be cleaners or kiwifruit pickers!